Me.

Hey everyone. I know this is normally Lilly's blog, but today I needed to post something. I want you guys to know my journey. Because it is tougher than anyone could ever imagine, including myself.

Aren't we all expected to be someone? To be something? Why can no one be themselves anymore? It's weird how this society turned out.

We are all lucky to live in a society of free speech, where we are able to say what we want or be who we want to be. Now that I come to this realization, I realize that for the past year or two, I haven't been living. I haven't been embracing how amazing this life is, and all of our opportunities. Just take a moment and think about it. Are you living the life YOU want to live?

It all started summer 2009. I was playing around on youtube when I found an american girl doll video. I realized I hadn't touched my dolls in years. I went over to them, picked them up and fell in love all over again.


And it wasn't hard to do.


Novemeber 2009. A girl wanted popularity so bad. She knew my secret. It was the only way out of her anxiety. Her anxiety to be popular.


As I walked down the hallway in school one morning, I realized something had changed. The people who normally said hi to me wouldn't even look at me. I never expected it to be youtube.


January 2010. Having fun with my dolls. Doing what I wanted. Not realizing anyone knew.


I got a message via AIM messaging from a girl. It said exactly: "I know your secrets. I saw your videos. And I told EVERYONE."


I was devastated. I didn't talk for at least two days. I couldn't stay strong.


For anyone who wants to get to know me better, here's a shocker: I was recently diagnosed with depression. Oh, and anxiety.


I went on, because back then I hardly cared what people thought of me. I didn't close my account, I didn't stop making videos.


Do you want to know why?


Because I loved being here. I love the friends I had made. I had them when my other friends weren't there for me.


The bullying didn't stop. It kept going, and going, and going. I almost drowned. I visited the nurse several times. I've left school early.


All because of bullies.


All it takes is one word. ONE word to bring someones life downhill.


Summer 2010 went by. It was ok, but I really didn't have much fun. I used to play outiside for hours. But instead, I would stay in my room on the computer all day.


It's just not healthy.


School started again. I expected everyone would have forgotten about this. Now, at this point, I had two friends. TWO.


We stayed together, comforted eachother, and everything was ok.


The girls who had bullied me made a youtube account. They have the "show last time signed in" checked so I know when they sign in to watch my videos.


I checked their youtube in november.


Last sign in date:1 day ago.


It wasn't over.


Life went on, and then February 2011 hit. Things started to change. I found out things about my family that I could never imagine would even occur. They have effected me BRUTALLY and I still have no way around them. I still haven't learn to deal.


I did think about suacide. Everything was going wrong. My family, my community, my life. I didn't know of any other options.


I went to school dances. I had boyfriends. I lived the teenage life, no matter how much the bullies tried to stand in my way.


My birthday had come, and I had different thoughts about dolls. I didn't know if I really wanted anything to do with them at all.


There were times where depression kicked in. Where I would go days without talking.


I started loosing people. I began to loose my best friend, and I had NO idea why. That was where the anxiety formed.


Then we ended up in June. Family problems were worse than ever. I began to think I would never have a complete family again.


Then, Dianna Agron posted a beautiful post tumblr, about 15 paragraphs long.


That post changed my point of view forever.



One thing that is important to me, almost the most important thing in life, is acceptance. No matter who it is, or how you have to accept them, you need to do it. Wether black, white, gay, disabled, or bisexual. Everyone deserves to live. Acceptance opens doors to new opportunities to make this world a better place. Where you can play with dolls and not feel useless.


Every day, hundreds of people commit suacide due to bullying.



I know how it feels to be hurt, to be depressed, to not value yourself. I'm sure I'm not the only one.


People need loving the most when they deserve it the least. - John Harrigan


I am no longer weak or powerless. I am now courageous because of what I have gone through. And some of this is too private or gruesome to share over the internet.


I dont know about myself, and I am still not sure who I want to be. In fact, I'm not even sure who I am.

For now, I'll be Lexi. I'll be who I am right now.


And that's how I want it to be.

Je suis très excité!

Bonjour les gens!

I'm very excited because I just wrapped up murder on her mind! It was so fun to film and I'm excited for you guys to see it. Also, I'm going to be the star of our new series coming up, "Coming Home!" I'm thrilled for that too.

Look out for new updates from the set!

Jusqu'à la prochaine fois,

Lilianna Carter

Longtemps ne parle pas!

Hi everyone! Sorry for not posting in a while. I've been very busy!

First off, I'd like you to know I am auditioning for AGMA! So excited! :D

Second off, there is a BIG surprise coming up in murder on her mind. Your whole point of view on the story will change. I can't wait for you to see it! It is planned out, so we will start filming tuesday or sometime this week.

So until then, Bonne chance!

~Lilly

Photoshoot automne!

Je me sens bien!

Hi everyone, today I write to you with joy!
I had a photoshoot today!
Take a look!

It was so much fun!
I played in the leaves, and I watched as the little squirrels scuried along with their nuts.
It was quite a scene!

I cannot wait to take more pictures later on when all of the flowers have bloomed!


Je ne peux pas attendre jusqu'à la prochaine fois!
~Lilly

Une nouvelle histoire que j'ai écrit!

Bonjour! It's me, Lilly!

I have written a short story in french that I would like to share with all of you.

A short story by Cecile Lilianna Carter
Comme je me levai de mon lit, j'ai entendu un nosie au bout du couloir.Comme je l'ai glissée dans le couloir, j'ai essayé de s'assurer que personne ne m'a vu.Un quart des deux dernières, j'étais sûr que la ville a été dort.Je me suis approché et plus proche de la cuisine, jusqu'à ce qu'il était alors quand j'ai vu le visage du pauvre animal petit.Un chien errant est venu par la porte doogie du miel.J'ai refusé de le laisser aller, et c'est pourquoi il est maintenant mon chien, Whinston.

Can you translate it? 
Post a comment and let me know what you think it is about!
A bientôt!
~Lilly

Bonjour mes amis!

Bonjour, mon nom est lilly! Il est très agréable de vous rencontrer!
Hi, I'm Lilanna Carter, and welcome to my blog!

My title is in french. In english it means "The artist in the garden".

About me? Sure!
I am a french at heart!
Je suis français de coeur!
I ADORE any kind of art, and I love to dance, play instruments, and CHEER! YAY!(:

On the other hand, My sister Sonali from india is a WHIZ on the computer, so she set this up for me.
I will write about my life and my sister, and whatever we run into along the way.
Thanks for visiting!
Au revoir! 
~L'artiste dans le jardin (Lilly Carter)